Why me, Gaius
by Katie Katherine
Summary: Gaius has been back for a week and the one thing he has noticed is that Merlin is lost and hopeless? Will he be able to help Merlin? Modern AU. One-shot. Father-son type of story.


_**Why Me, Gaius**_

 **Hello, hope you are having a good day. This is a modern au one-shot. Gaius has been back for almost a week and is seeing that waiting for Arthur's return has left him hopeless and alone.**

Gaius was reading a medicine book from Merlin's study when he heard Merlin whimper and moan. Gaius got up and went to Merlin's room. He saw that the boy was in bed thrashing and fighting heavily. He was covered in layers of sweat and his clothes clung to him. Then Merlin started screaming.

"Arthur, I'm sorry! Help me, Arthur! It hurts! Gaius, save me! I can't breathe!" Merlin screamed. Gaius went to Merlin and grabbed Merlin.

"It's alright, my boy. Wake up, Merlin. Wake up." Gaius loudly said but Merlin only got worse. Then Gaius saw the knife that laid next to Merlin and he saw the cuts that covered Merlin's body. "Oh, Merlin, my boy." He grabbed Merlin's wrist and tried to calm Merlin but it didn't work.

"No, don't touch me. WHo's touching me? WHy are they touching me?"

Gaius let go of Merlin and got rid of the knife. The nightmare hit it's climax and Merlin sat up and screamed till he couldn't anymore. Gaius went to him and hugged him. Merlin hugged Gaius tightly as he screamed.

"Wake up, my boy. It's just a nightmare." Gaius repeated. Eventually, Merlin whimpered and started to calm down. "Are you alright?" Merlin nodded tearfully. Gaius pulled away and held out Merlin's arm. "How long, my boy?"

"Since you and mother died." Merlin whimpered.

"Oh, Merlin."

"You two helped me stop and when you died, it was the only thing that made me feel happy. Then I started doing it in my sleep and I can't stop. I've tried so hard but I can't stop it, Gaius."

"Shh, calm down, my boy."

Then Merlin started retching. Gaius grabbed a small trash can and handed it to Merlin who puked. He saw how green Merlin looked.

"Do you want anything to help you relax?" Gaius asked. Merlin nodded as he puked. Gaius went to get a few things. When he came back, he saw that Merlin was now coughing heavily. He saw blood drip out of Merlin's mouth. He wiped it away.

"How long was I screaming?" Merlin rasped.

"For nearly 15 minutes."

"I must have damaged something."

"Yes, you must have. Now, I want you to take this. It will help..."

"With the healing process and pain." Merlin and Gaius said at the same time. They smiled slightly.

"You still remember everything I taught you." Gaius sighed.

"I had to or else I could have died." Merlin mumbled as he drank the potion. Then Gaius gave him something so that he could relax. Gaius went to work treating Merlin's wounds and bandaging them.

"Now, do you want to tell what the nightmare was about?"

"You and Arthur. I was being tortured and touched. I saw Arthur trying to help me but then he burned me when he found out about my magic and then you were standing there watching me burn. You didn't stop it or anything. Then I saw you watching me being tortured. You were trying to calm me down."

"Part of your nightmare was real. After Sefa came to Camelot, you were kidnapped and tortured and raped. What you went through was devastating. You were there for several months before we found you. You woke up in my chambers screaming and sobbing in pain and fear. It was days before you realized that you home and that you were safe."

"I barely remembered it till now. Now it's like it just happened. DO you think Arthur may be returning soon?"

"Sadly, I do not know the future, Merlin. But i hope that he does return for your sake. This isn't good for you, Merlin. I have never seen you so hopeless and lost."

Merlin looked away and cried. Then he felt Gaius squeeze his hand.

"Merlin, you are not alone 't hide your emotions. Let them out." Gaius whispered. Then Merlin started sobbing. Gaius pulled him into a hug.

"Why me, Gaius? Why was I chosen to live more than a thousand years alone? Why couldn't I have the pleasure of dying like you did? Why did I have to bear the weight of the world on my shoulders for so long?" Merlin sobbed.

"I wish I knew, my boy. Truly, I do."

"I'm so tired, Gaius. I can't do this anymore. I feel so weak and sick. It's so hard to breathe. Everything is so overwhelming. I want it to end, Gaius. I want it to stop. Please, make it stop."

"I can't, my boy. I don't have the power to."

Then Merlin sobbed even more. Gaius kissed Merlin's forehead. When Merlin had stopped sobbing, Gaius helped him lie down under the blankets.

"Get some sleep." Gaius whispered.

"I can't." Merlin rasped.

"Let me go get you something to drink."

"Ok."

Gaius made some hot tea for Merlin. He put some chamomile in it to help Merlin sleep. When he went back to the room, Merlin was resting against the stack of pillows. Gaius handed him the cup.

"Careful, it's hot." Gaius warned. Merlin nodded and slowly and carefully drank his tea. When he was done, he felt sleepy.

"Gaius, can you hold me? I don't think I'll be able to sleep for very long." Merlin whimpered.

"Of course."

Gaius hugged Merlin and sat against the pillows. as soon as Gaius was comfortable, he realized that Merlin was already asleep. He kissed Merlin's forehead and went to morning, he woke and saw that Merlin was gone. He got up and went to the living room. He saw that Merlin laid on the couch, watching tv and resting.

"How do you feel this morning, my boy?" Gaius asked as he sat on the other side of the couch.

"A little better. Thank you for being with me. I know I can be a pain to care for." Merlin answered.

"Don't ever think that. You are like a son to me, Merlin. Even when You upset me, I still care about you. I always will."

"And you are like a father to me."

"Now, have you taken your medicines this morning?"

"No."

"You know you'll never get rid of these infections if you don't take your medicines."

"Well, part of it is, I need to stop cutting myself."

"True."

Merlin got up and went to take his medicine. When he came back, he laid down on the couch and went to sleep. Gaius smiled and finished reading the book that he had left the night before. He knew that Merlin would need a lot of love and comfort and Gaius was willing to help in any way that he could.

THE END


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